8.01.2011

loose connection

The Mountain Man and I had a rough weekend last week. We had a lot of fun and stayed busy. We ate out (a rare luxury for us) visited with friends, went on a hike, and enjoyed a ride on the ferry and a drive through the peninsula.

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Somehow though, we just weren’t connecting normally. We weren’t fighting, but things just weren’t normal. We had a loose connection.

Nothing was wrong, but in the cracks and spaces, things just felt off.

I guess it’s normal to have these kinds of waning periods. This post-partum marriage is a slightly warped reflection of what it used to be. It’s like looking into a mirror made of old, wavy glass. It’s you, just a little distorted.

I adore my Mountain Man, I can’t imagine my life without him. We work together so well, enjoy each other’s company, laugh at each other’s jokes. But after baby, our lives have changed. We can’t spontaneously do the things we’d dreamed of – at least not for a couple more years. We had had the luxury of time and focus and each other, and now our time and focus are shifted. We still have each other, and we still have time - just less, and more fragmented.

I have everything, even if I had nothing but the Pie and my Mountain Man. So I have to keep working through these strange days of loose connections, to make a point of connecting even when it feels awkward or forced, and just know that we’ll pull back into the normal soon enough. As long as I keep making  a point to keep the love going, it won’t run out. Even when there’s an occasional loose connection.

4 comments:

  1. i could have written this! marriage takes work. great marriage takes HARD work. i have to remind myself daily that we have to take time for one another. it's so easy to get wrapped up in what the baby needs. i forget to realize what dave and i need!

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  2. Great post, Megan.

    Heck there are times I do not even want to be around *MYSELF* let alone be around my (usually awesome) husband. It is easy to see how things can devolve from time to time. Too much togetherness plus too much baby minus urgently-needed sleep divided by zero pre-children interests being pursued equals crankiness squared. Bleh.

    thanks for having the courage to write/ post this. So glad you are real and not a "my life is so perfect and so am I" type of blogger!

    best,
    MOV

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  3. thanks mamas! of course things are back to normal and great now. even "normal" isn't what it used to be though. it's just another part of the adjustment to parenthood - there's no pausing motherhood, so I have to continue figuring out how to create time for making it all work.

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  4. Thank you for this. I've been trying to figure out how to write about this precise subject. i like the loose connections metaphor. I've been imagining my relationship with the Poppa of my babe in terms of layers, like sedimentary rock, only permeable. Wild goofy passionate us from back in 2005 is down there, under layers of grad school and mortgage stress and road trips and domestic strife and money worries and great sex and mind-stretching awe at each other's beauties and international travel and who hasn't done the dishes and pregnancy and visions and experiences that run parallel but happen in very different ways for each of us... and what i'm discovering about pregnancy and motherhood is there's a whole CRAPLOAD of mundane and exhausting and brilliant layers shlepped on top of all that so its harder to get to the underneath, the bliss and the spark and the awe for one's partner, because one has only SO much energy for connection on a given day... but with the presence of mind to STOP, part the layers on the surface, and CONNECT, its all RIGHT THERE. I forget this over and over, and i feel such sweet, heart-aching gratitude every time i remember.

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