6.28.2011

I feel my pain

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I’m trying to un-clutter. Constantly. I want to build a calm, peaceful, functional home for the Pie, filled with love and laughter and space for experimentation. If my home is full of stuff, this is counter-productive to the childhood I want for my Pie.

In my un-cluttering extravaganza (ongoing) I found this hilarious set of pictures that my assistant and I created on a particularly difficult day in the office, about 4 years ago.

I pretended to be doing something on my desk without cracking up, as she went to town with her frustration. I couldn’t even look at the screen because I would laugh hysterically every time I saw what she was doing.

My life is a lot like that some days, with the frustration bubbling to the top. Sometimes I try not to look at it, for fear of overwhelm. Sometimes I look right at it and laugh. Sometimes I just hang my head and know that this will soon be over.
Now that I’m no longer in an office, I don’t have the camaraderie with co-workers to make the difficult days easier. I have nothing but my own thoughts and the knowledge that other moms are going through the same thing, probably this very moment. This baby does not get my dark, dead-pan sense of humor.
So I try to look past the frustration instead of hiding from it or lashing out. I try to see the temporary nature of my experiences, and to laugh at what I can. It’s hard, but I think if I keep reminding myself that I can get through it, I will.
I’m scanning this photo and tossing the original, since there’s no context in which to meaningfully keep it. It’s been floating around my house but it will no longer clutter my life. It was a difficult moment, but we made something better of it.
I feel the pain of my previous life, but in a new way. I’ll repeat that to myself, and try to let that direct my life a little more: It was a difficult moment, but we made something better of it. Relevant to my work life and my mom life.
It was a difficult moment, but we made something better of it.
(And then we de-cluttered)

2 comments:

  1. Love these photos! I have some hilarious photos (that I refuse to part with) from my childhood while visiting my grandmother in CA for the summer. My grandmother had a pool, and my sister Oakley (age 5) and I (age 11) are out on the pool patio. She is posing away for the camera, smile-smile-fake-smile-oh-I-am-so-pretty-smile, and I am off in the distance in the background at the other end of the pool and I must be saying something she finds annoying because the next pics are her turning back towards me and scowling at me and me (very small in the background) laughing.

    Thanks for reminding me, Megan. Gotta dig those out and frame them together as a series. Or write a blog post about them. :)

    best,
    MOV
    ps-- how goes the MOVE?!?

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  2. Find that picture, MOV! and blog about it! i love these random pieces of history. i think the funny little snapshots of life are such a cool window into seeing people as their best (or most scowlingly honest?), unfiltered selves!

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