2.14.2011

To my dear Pie

Today is a silly holiday, made up to sell greeting cards. But it’s also a reminder to us all to tell the people in our lives that we love them. This day isn’t any different for you than any other day. We snuggled and played, we tried to get some laundry done. We cleaned the kitchen and took a bath. I told you I loved you a bunch of times, and I’ll tell you some more when you wake up from your nap. We’ll have dinner, play some more, and then go to bed. Pretty much the same as any other day.

But since this is your first Valentine’s Day, I want to make sure that you know how love works, and how this day works. People get wrapped up in unreasonable expectations of their partners, or become sad that the world around them is flaunting romantic love if they are alone. But it’s really not about getting gifts or flowers or cards, or even about being in a relationship. I want you to learn to love yourself, find a love that you deserve, and spread love in the world.

I didn’t know how to love myself for a long time. I thought that loving yourself was a silly concept, for hippies or people who didn’t have any friends. But it’s the most important love. It’s about accepting who you are and making the best of your life. It’s about treating yourself kindly. It’s about being confident in yourself, and cutting yourself some slack. It’s about making positive changes to improve the things you may not be happy with. It’s about respecting yourself enough to make good choices about how you give love, and enough to accept only the love that’s best for you.

I don’t want you to get caught up in the silliness and the consumerism of Valentine’s Day. Mama got the Mountain Man a card, and I think the Mountain Man bought Mama some chocolate. That’s all. We might order dinner in tonight, since it’s a “special day”, and to give Mama a break.

I hope you have a love like your Daddy and I have. I know every minute of every day that he loves me, and is focused on doing what is best for us and our family. He works hard to support us and we work hard to take care of him. I don’t need elaborate or expensive gifts, because I know he loves me. He doesn’t need to prove it by spending money or making gestures, he shows me every day. And we love you more than you’ll ever know – at least until you are a mommy.

Valentine’s Day seems like it’s about having a boyfriend and getting flowers and teddy bears and chocolate and professions of undying love. But that’s because you have to buy flowers and teddy bears and chocolate, and there are people out there selling them who want you to think you need them. Valentine’s Day is really just a reminder to us to express our love. But we don’t need a special day for that, we remember every day, a thousand times a day, to tell each other how much we care. Sometimes we say it, and sometimes we show it by doing a little something nice for someone else. But the most important thing is being able to learn to love yourself, so that you can find a love that you deserve.

Baby Pie, Mama loves you, and Daddy loves you. And even when you wish we wouldn’t, we’re gonna slather you with kisses. You’re never going to wonder whether you’re loved, and that’s better than Valentine’s Day.

4 comments:

  1. Megan, uh, I thought Valentine's was all about my sister's birthday and my consequential birthday/ jealousy angst? You mean it's not? You mean it's all about chocolate and boyfriends and flaunting your love? (oh, wait, this is *exactly* why my English Lit professor told me not to skim when I read. Huh. Better go re-read what you wrote).
    And please tell that Pie her mama loves her: it is all over your blog. :)
    happy hearts day!
    your cyber friend/ fellow writer--
    MOV

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  2. "Gag me with a spoon" is such a great label. I'm ambivalent about the day myself. Seeing all the last-minute shoppers buying flowers and chocolate at the grocery store today was surreal. My middle daughter is totally into being fancy though, so I try to enjoy things for her sake. I even let my daughters wear dresses to school today...

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  3. MOV, I think you might be right. I got one of my favorite chocolate bars from my mountain man last night. i take it all back. it is about chocolate.

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  4. Aiming- my dad used to always say "Oh gag me with a spooooon" which I thought was hilarious. Why a spoon? It wouldn't even hurt. It's amazing how uninteresting Valentine's Day has become, since I'm secure in myself and my relationship. I think the first step is the self-love part, because then this silly day doesn't really matter, whether you're sharing it with a partner or with the world. I am a big fan of spreading love in the world, so that's more important I guess. I was lucky enough to not have to go to the store yesterday. My mountain man went to the co-op on his lunch break and bought me a delicious chocolate bar. I gave him a card and we ate Chinese. It wasn't a big deal, but it was nice. (Love that you "let" your girls wear dresses!)

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