The following day, legions of Seattleites joined us at the pub to embark upon a great new adventure: The First Ever Meeting of the Pie’s Fan Club.
As the first order of business, it was necessary to elect officers. Everyone self-nominated for a position within the club. The standard positions now have a run-off for election. Each applicant wrote a brief essay about why they should be elected:
- Nathan: Her first words were Na – Than.
- Mountain Man: I am the dad.
- Pamela: I can make the President look & sound good. I can be a good figurehead.
- Pete: I want to sit around, collect a fat paycheck and be responsible for nothing.
- Elizabeth: I have a lot of secretarial experience, it is one of my jobs in real life!
- Cathy: I’m already the secretary of my HOA, so why not?
- Carlie: I love me some Pie and promise to accurately report on all of her amazing developments and outstanding gurgles.
- Tobias: agu!
- Natalie: I will hold all The Pie’s money for her and I will invest in causes that I know she would support. I hear she likes it when I go get my nails done.
- Leah: I like money. And being in charge of it.
Positions applied for without contest: listed with applicant’s name: position applied for: reason to be elected
- Soiled Mattress the Clown: CEO: Because my spoon is too big.
- Heather: Chief Disney Coordinator: Extensive knowledge of Disney how-to!
- Stuart: VIP: (none given)
- Memphis: PR: My beard is awesome.
- Hailey: Head Babysitter: I am the best Auntie alive and I babysit the bestest.
- Danielle: Baby Fashion Consultant: I vow to keep up on all the sweet diaper & babylegs deals.
- Lindsay: Captain: I have a sailboat that is at her disposal anytime she likes. And we can act like pirates.
- Heather: Eccentric Auntie: I can manage clowns, bands, acrobats, C++ developers, and insane clients. Calmly!
- Morgan: None: Easiest position to obtain.
- Aaron ‘the Captain’ Hede: Pirate: I have court papers, and years aboard ships.
- Jessica: Member: I would like to be a member of the fan club because Sylvie is the cutest baby I know.
- Stand-Up Willie: Honorary Laughter Officer: The only comedian to apply, so it’s a lock.
- Danica: Head Cheerleader: Because I have big furry red paws and horns. Duh.
- Mawy Woo: Baker: I love to bake and the Pie has “Pie” in her name, which I can bake!
- Jenn: Chief Technology Officer: I rule.
- Ellie: Member: It’s lovely to see you, you are a beautiful family.
- DiTolvo: Ringmistress (duh): You can never have enough b*%$#y women in
- Uncle Oddie: Safety Officer (no need for application): No need for voting. I am the best person for the position.
- Wendy: Chief Teller of True-Life Cautionary Tales: (we’re waiting on your campaign info, Wendy!)
Sadly I put my camera down before I was able to get a shot of everyone, but we loved seeing you all! Thank you for coming out. This Fan Club will involve a lot of hard work, but the results will be spectacular.
In addition to elections, we opened the floor for discussion on Parenting Advice. The following suggestions were made:
- Rub some dirt on it.
- Don’t take advice from non-parents.
- oo, baba ah!
- Put the oxygen mask on yourself first! It’s OK to take you-time and get that shower!
- Practice patience. The end.
- No beer before intermission.
- It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken.
- When I asked my grandmother, she said “all they need is love”. I am best if I practice self-care, and can create and support the family in a fuller way. Always listen to your instincts – Mama knows!
- Does she have an email address yet?
- Teach her to juggle.
- Laughter is the KEY!
- When they throw a fit in a public place, you throw a bigger one.
- Dress them cute so that when they cry it’s easier to handle.
- A little rum in the bottle puts the baby to sleep with no hassle!
- Put her in the backyard and let nature take it’s course.
- Take time away often. Know your drink options. Buy things for yourself.
- Do whatever you feel is right. Nobody is better at caring for your child than you!
- Parenting advice is BS! Just do what you can to stay sane, and find friends who don’t mind your mindless rambling.
- Don’t shake the baby!
- Never take or give advice.
- Go to Disney parks early and often!
- Whatever you do, don’t let me babysit. Seriously,
- Potato sacks for clothes.
- Learn to hover.
- Always love your Pie!
- A thimble of whiskey goes a long way!
Well, for the most part.
OK, some of you probably shouldn’t procreate.
FRIENDS & READERS!! Feel free vote for your top choice for each of the 4 contested positions: President, VP, Secretary & Treasurer. Should one person be elected to each position? Should we have people sharing those roles?
For those of you who were unable to attend, please feel free to self-declare for your chosen position in the comments section. Be sure to include your chosen title, the reason you should be elected to that position, and your best parenting advice. We’ll be sure to ignore it.