This morning, my mountain man found something unusual in the kitchen, and asked me to investigate.
He had a suspect, but he didn’t want to color the investigation, so he kept his suspicions to himself.
That’s right, 3 wiry white hairs clinging to the side of a cast iron pan. The same pan that Mama used the night before to fry up a few crumbles of bacon for dinner. Mmmmmmmm bacon.
*snaps back to reality*
Further investigation into the culprit who left this evidence is needed. First, a closer look at the evidence: Yup, all the hairs seems to be from one culprit, some evil soul acting alone, terrorizing kitchens after Mama goes to bed. Mama didn’t mean to leave the pan out – she was just going to put the Pie to sleep, but Mama put herself to sleep as well, leaving the pan of bacon fat vulnerable, just asking for a crime to be committed.
And inside the pan, with the cooled and hardened bacon fat, which normally creates a rough white fat layer on the pan was this:Smooth, shiny circular areas. Almost as if someone had polished the fat. With their little tongue. And upon further inspection of this secondary evidence:
Mama checked with the person who reported the wrongdoing. 10 o’clock he went to bed, and nothing was amiss. The cat came in later, and the Mountain Man thought he smelled a whiff of bacon, but it could have been a dream. He dreams about bacon sometimes, he admitted. Mama referred him to a bacon dreamers support group.
The evidence seemed to be pointing in one direction.
So of course, Mama jumped to a conclusion.
Wiry white hair? Midnight prowler? Quiet as a cat burglar? With sandpapery tongue?
But before making public accusations, Mama checked to be sure there was no evidence of breaking and entering. No windows were broken, no doors unlocked. No evidence that anyone came into the house. Either the job was done by an insider, or the culprit made it inside the house, locked the door behind him, and never left. He could still be here.
And again, more insistent.
The cat, dear Uncle Bugg, was begging for food.
Yeah, he looks like he has something to hide. But he claims an alibi. This guy:His blurry, ghostly alibi won’t talk. Mama thinks Uncle Bugg is the guilty party in the case of the Midnight Bacon Licker. But the evidence may not stick.
(Linky linky with the company girls!)